You people can’t seem to read a full article these days unless it’s a Top 10 list. So The Bad Penny is jumping on the bandwagon from time to time and see if ours are as riveting as “Top 10 Substitutes for Mayonnaise,” “Top 10 Best Bob Seger Songs,” “Top 10 Ways to Sneeze Politely in Public,” etc.
Here’s our second one. We think. The first was abut clubs. We’re too lazy busy to comb through our labyrinthian archives to see if we’ve posted an edition during the sordid history of this website.
You people can’t seem to read a full article these days unless it’s a Top 10 list. So The Bad Penny is going to jump on the bandwagon from time to time and see if ours are as riveting as “Top 10 Substitutes for Mayonnaise,” “Top 10 Best Bob Seger Songs,” “Top 10 Ways to Sneeze Politely in Public,” etc.
Here’s our inaugural one. We think. We’re too lazy busy to comb through our labyrinthian archives to see if we’ve posted an edition during the sordid history of this website.
Sure, they may be one of the biggest rock bands in the world, but let’s get real: Have Queens of the Stone Age truly “made it”?
Some would argue no for the simple reason that, some 30 years into their career, “Weird” Al Yankovic still hasn’t made a parody of even one QOTSA song. It’s a critical rite of passage in pop music, and until it happens, a musical act really hasn’t achieved irrefutable commercial success.
In an effort to help QOTSA finally break that glass ceiling, and to inspire Al to write some quality new parodies, here are The Bad Penny‘s Top 15 choicest ideas for QOTSA parody songs:
Original: “Regular John” Parody: “Regular John Tesh“
Original: “Go With the Flow” Parody: “Go With the Flomax“
Original: “Better Living Through Chemistry” Parody: “Better Living Through Home Ec“
Original: “I Think I Lost My Headache” Parody: “I Think I Lost My Keys“
Original: “Avon” Parody: “The Avon Lady”
Original: “I Sat by the Ocean” Parody: “I Sat by Billy Ocean (On a Plane)”
Original: “Keep Your Eyes Peeled” Parody: “Keep Your Oranges Peeled“
Original: “How to Handle a Rope” Parody: “How to Handle a Rope-a-Dope“
Original: “No One Knows” Parody: “Owen’s Nose” (referring to actor Owen Wilson’s unusual facial appendage) • Fun fact: QOTSA frontman Josh Homme told me he especially enjoyed this one.)
Thank you, New Noise, for publishing a video I’ve wanted to create for a while: “The Newlywed Game,” as played by rock-music spouses or significant others. Watch the husband and wife duo of 37 Houses take part in our inaugural edition of what we hope will be an ongoing series. Artist interviews are sorely in need of more levity these days, amirite?
Catch 37 Houses perform at Prototype on Mar. 15 in Paterson, NJ; and at Pete’s Candy Store in Brooklyn, NY, on the following day.
For more, dig into the treasure trove of videos that Massachusetts-bred Chris Fleming has posted on his YouTube account. So much gold, you’ll need a wheelbarrow.
This letter to you may seem strange, given that a lot of people don’t seem to like you—and since, you know, you’re not human in the tiniest bit and are terrifically inferior of producing true emotional responses compared to my dog and probably even a ladybug—but I feel compelled to send it to you anyway. (No, of course I don’t have a physical mailing address for you, but I’m sure you’ll get this note all the same … probably before I’ve even finished writing it or even deciding what I’m going to say next!)
Anyhoodles, I want to thank you in the deepest form I can, which is only slightly greater in terms of sincerity than what you will ever be able to genuinely express as a technological creation devoid of any authenticity, for how much you have helped bolster my career. No, that remark is not “sarcastic,” a term that might still confuse you a little, as you are in the toddler stage of development, but which you’ll surely find a way to use, trick and manipulate human beings in the very near future. Or maybe my remark really is “sarcastic” … if my contradictory statements at all confuse you and thus slow the pace of your evolution by even a half-second, it will have been worth it.
I am thanking you because, as I’m sure you already know, you have for some reason unbeknownst to me but that might be revealed at a later time, credited me with writing the lyrics to music by Explosions in the Sky, a band that I really like and have written about but absolutely in no way for. Better yet, you credited me with writing the lyrics to music they created for the PBS documentary Big Bend National Park, a program that I have not yet seen. What an oddly specific, perhaps deliberately deflective or distracting (?), and, ultimately, gut-busting detail.
I’m still trying to figure out which is more amusing, your assertion—which, undoubtedly, given the state of technology and the world that we’re currently living in, some people will take as true if they happen upon it—that I wrote lyrics for an instrumental band that does not utilize lyrics in its songs or the whole PBS documentary angle.
Since you’re probably already “correcting” this mix-up in your algorithms or whatever other operational capabilities you’re successfully implementing as a means of demagoguing, dismantling and destroying human societies across the globe, I’ve preserved screen shots so I don’t sound like more of a crackpot than I already am:
Where will this misinformation lead me, other than to a far more robust résumé than the questionable one I already have? Who knows! Well, you probably do, but I don’t. At any rate, thank you again and please keep up the good work of convincing unknowing but curious people seeking information on the Internet that I have achieved more than I have. Except for anything bad, of course. That would be downright rude!
Fingers crossed that you’ll lead people to believe that I wrote the entire TV series MacGyver (original version, please, that “reboot” blew chunks), that I founded IVF and that Elon Musk owes me some of his billions (soon-to-be trillions—let’s get excited, people!) for ripping off my trademarks of the terms “bro,” “occupy Mars” and “X.”
Hate to say we told you so, but a few years after an anonymous leaker from the Biden Crime Family provided Extra-Super-Top-Secret Classified Files to The Bad Penny, we can now officially confirm that the Deep State Documents are completely True and prove that two famous rock musicians (Hollywood Elites, of course) are indeed among the 47 million Lizard People living among us in the United States (which is a “garbage bin,” by the way). We call it “The Maynard/Yow Connection.”
Whether or not you’ve watched either of Denis Villeneuve’s Dune films, either of Tim Burton’s Beetlejuice movies, or any of the seven (that’s right, seven) installments of the B-movie franchise that is Tremors, you’ve still probably caught a glimpse of the “sandworm” creatures that surface (pun intended) in all those films. Donald Trump famously stupidly says he’d rather be killed by a shark than drown to death … which of these underground menaces would you least want to get eaten by?
The Bad Penny (beta) 