Tool’s Maynard James Keenan Fantasized About Los Angeles’ Annihilation Years Before Trump Did
This post will justifiably piss off a lot of people – and if someone else had published it, yours truly would be among them. Tool is one of the bands most beloved by this site, as evidenced by The Bad Penny‘s extensive coverage of Maynard James Keenan and company over the years.
Here are some, if not all, of the Tool posts published on this site since its launch in 2008:
• Tool’s 68 Songs, Ranked From ‘Invincible’ to ‘Disgustipated’
• CONSPIRACY REVEALED: Tool’s Maynard James Keenan And David Yow Are Lizard People!
• Best Albums Of 2019: Tool, Idle Hands, Immortal Bird, Destrage, Enisum
• Tool Take The Wiltern: 8.13.01
That said, our music heroes should not be immune from criticism. And Keenan deserves at least some pushback for helping condition young American men in particular to embrace and normalize the nihilistic and destructive vision that MAGA has injected into the political discourse in the U.S.
From his three appearances on The Joe Rogan Experience to not only his affinity for UFC but apparent man-crush on Dana White, Keenan seems to share more than a couple of misogynistic passions with Dear Leader Donald Trump, who this week frothed up his MAGA base by encouraging Iran to launch nuclear weapons against Los Angeles and San Diego. Because vomit is likely to fry your laptop or phone, we won’t cite Trump’s comments verbatim here.
Beyond sports, Keenan and Trump (and Rogan) have stated countless times in public their firm belief that under no circumstances do they owe the public an apology for making comments that are deemed offensive, even by vast swaths of people whose platform to defend themselves is either nonexistent or too miniscule to matter.
On Tool’s post-COVID tours, Keenan regularly went out of his way to tell crowds that he makes no apologies. (Here is an example, albeit from many years prior.)
Now there appears to be a new train of thought that Keenan – who ditched L.A. for Arizona in 2012 (eight years before his pal Rogan high-tailed it for Texas) – and Trump share in common: The notion that California deserved to be wiped off the map.
Keenan’s sentiments about the Golden State are best captured in the title track to Tool’s 1996 album, Ænima. Here are some lyric excerpts:
Some say the end is near
Some say we’ll see Armageddon soon
Certainly hope we will
I sure could use a vacation from
This bullshit three ring circus sideshow
Of freaks here in this hopeless fucking hole we call L.A.
The only way to fix it is to flush it all away
Any fucking time, any fucking day
Learn to swim, see you down in Arizona Bay
Fret for your figure and fret for your latte and
Fret for your lawsuit and fret for your hairpiece and
Fret for your Prozac and fret for your pilot and
Fret for your contract and fret for your car
It’s a bullshit three ring circus sideshow
Some say a comet will fall from the sky
Followed by meteor showers and tidal waves
Followed by fault lines that cannot sit still
Followed by millions of dumbfounded dipshits
And some say the end is near
Some say we’ll see Armageddon soon
I certainly hope we will
I sure could use a vacation from this
Stupid shit, silly shit, stupid shit
One great big festering neon distraction
I’ve a suggestion to keep you all occupied
Learn to swim, learn to swim, learn to swim
‘Cause Mom’s gonna fix it all soon
Mom’s coming ’round to put it back the way it ought to be
It’s true that views an artist expresses in their creations shouldn’t necessarily be taken literally nor interpreted as the sincerely held beliefs of the individual. Then again, here’s Keenan opining in an interview format that the destruction of California would be a form of “spring cleaning”:
Some have noted online that Keenan has apparently criticized Trump in public, but it’s a stretch to say he’s done so with his full throat. The most commonly circulated remark the Tool singer has said in regards to Dear Leader continues to be this comment – or criticism – he communicated to an audience in 2017: “Trump is not your enemy, your enemy is ignorance.”
Don’t hold your breath for Keenan to temper any of the sentiments he previously expressed in song, interviews or onstage. After all, he’s not too into the whole apology thing.
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