The Bad Penny (beta)

If you’re even fairly familiar with raunchy comedy, “The Aristocrats,” an ever-evolving running joke so dirty that comics used to only tell it to each other behind closed doors, probably rings a bell. The jape varies in length, vulgarity, structure, plot and tone, depending on whichever comedian is telling their version of it. But baked into the joke are, unwaveringly, graphic scenes of a family engaging in scatological, sordid and smutty behavior during an audition in a misguided effort to win over an agent to book their stage act. And the punch line always remains the same, with the family revealing at the end of the audition that their stage name is “The Aristocrats.”

Penn Jillette and other comedians made a movie called The Aristocrats a decade ago, pulling back the curtain on the history of the joke similar to how magicians would reveal the secrets to their trick. The documentary sucked some of the preciousness (irony noted) of the decades-old bit by featuring a whopping 85 comedians breaking taboo and retelling their version of “The Aristocrats.” Robin Williams, Dana Gould, Carrie Fisher, Lewis Black and Steven Wright were just a few of the participants.

This clip of Sarah Silverman sharing her take on “The Aristocrats” conveys just about everything you need to know about the form and type of content that comprises the joke, which comedians spawned in the vaudeville era:

Just as anyone who knows comedy knows about “The Aristocrats,” anyone who knows the Jesus Lizard knows about the vocalist’s penchant for humor, which varies from filthy to corny. Taking a look back at the Jesus Lizard song “Lady Shoes” – the studio version of which appeared as the penultimate track on the band’s 1991 masterpiece, Goat, and a thunderous live version of which was featured on the Lizard’s 1993 EP Lash – one can’t help but wonder if Yow was sharing his version of the joke, even though the “Aristocrats” setting and characters are different, and the song doesn’t end with the aforementioned punch line.

Here are the lyrics to “Lady Shoes”:

There’s a girl playing her piano
There’s a little girl playing her big piano
While her mother gives her an enema, while her mother
While her mother gives her an enema, while her mother

And then the daddy comes in
And jacks off on the piano
And jacks off on the piano
And jacks off on the piano
And jacks off on the piano

Meanwhile, the local maternity ward nurse
Comes in with a great big sledgehammer
She kills all the little babies
Destroys the monitoring system
Says she got some time to stick around

She calls the doctor, said, “Look what I’ve done”
She calls the doctor, said, “Look what I’ve done”
She calls the doctor, said, “Look what I’ve done”
Doctor comes in, pops a boner and jacks off in her cap
And then the motel manager comes by

And takes a little shit in his hand
And then he takes a little shit in his hand
And then he takes a little shit in his hand
And the he puts it on like lipstick, lipstick
He puts it on like lipstick, lipstick

Oh David Yow, what would we ever do without you?

For more Jesus Lizard and Yow coverage, check out:

“The Jesus Lizard’s 103 Songs, Ranked From the G.O.A.T. to the … Just Don’t“

“The Jesus Lizard: A Racket of a Resurrection (Extended Version)“

“Jesus Lizard Interview and Exclusive News: The Naked Truth, Pt. 1“

“Labyrinth: The History Of The Jesus Lizard“

“Jesus Lizard’s Duane Denison: ‘I Can’t Imagine Ever Doing A Reunion Tour’“

“CONSPIRACY REVEALED: Tool’s Maynard James Keenan And David Yow Are Lizard People!“

This entry was posted on 09/05/2025 at 2:59 pm and is filed under Comedy, Essays with tags David Yow, The Aristocrats, the Jesus Lizard. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.