Idaho’s ‘Lapse’: Two Cent Review
Idaho is best known for producing more potatoes than anywhere else in the U.S. In recent decades, it’s become so red that Idaho is now neck and neck with Mississippi as the most right-wing state in the Union. Idaho boasts the most miles of rivers than anywhere else in the country. The majority of its residents are virulently anti-government land conservationists not just suspicious of but resentful toward anyone who isn’t a third-generation Idahoan or older. Along those same lines, what today’s Idahoans feel more strongly about than anything else is their pure, white-hot hatred of Californians.
Idaho natives are paranoid that their communities are going to become more liberal due to the influx of Golden Staters, when the opposite is actually true: California transplants are making the move, by and large, because they can’t stand living somewhere that isn’t “ultra-conservative,” whatever that term even means anymore. Idahoans’ hatred of Californians wasn’t so intense and widespread when high school friends Jeff Martin and John K. Berry spawned their musical project more than 30 years ago in Los Angeles. But it certainly is now, and if many Idahoans actually knew there was a band from L.A. called “Idaho,” they would take it as a provocation and, to put it mildly, stretch Idaho’s open-carry laws to the limit.
Perhaps it’s best for all parties involved that Idahoans aren’t familiar with the band Idaho and, as the musicians remind us on Lapse, they don’t know much at all about Idaho either. The trio issued three major-label albums in the mid-‘90s, followed by a handful of LPs on their own label. All the while, Idaho—which a small number of critics cited as forefathers of “slow core”—were justifiably overshadowed by the far more sincere and authentic Red House Painters and Low. Idaho’s first studio record in 13 years, Lapse, won’t bolster their legacy in any significant way. Nor will a new Idaho box set and a new documentary available on streaming services. And that’s because the word that best describes all the band’s material is “boring.”
Red House Painters’ Mark Kozelek may make music that is very quiet and moves at a snail’s pace. But his enigmatic persona, cutting lyrics and outspoken behavior keep listeners at the edge of their seat or on the tips of their toes, depending on the settings. Meanwhile, Low always took chances with their material, minimalist as it was. They dabbled with post-rock, underwent various lineup changes and ended their career with the Grammy-nominated Hey What.
Idaho never captivated audiences because they were never captivating in the first place. It’s never a good thing when, 10 minutes into a song, the listener’s mind wanders to thoughts about what they need to pick up at the grocery store on the way home from work. Martin’s monotonous voice is easier to fall asleep to than a silent film about insects projected onto a screen in science class, with the lights turns off. To the extent that his group would have learned anything during their decade-plus sabbatical, Lapse is a bummer through and through. The record wouldn’t even qualify as a soundtrack to Idaho, because the sparsely populated state is leagues more fascinating than any of the bland entries on this record.
Bearing in mind that this band was born and bred in L.A., consider this lyrics from the song “West Side”: “I’m from the West Side/ You can’t tell by looking but I almost did blend in/ Then I met some cool kids lived in the Valley/ And they shoed me what to wear/ Overdose on coffee, talked about the future/ Where we’d take out rightful place.”
Maybe the reason Idahoans loathe Los Angelenos is because many of them are actually the most boring, least insightful and self-absorbed people of all. A more fitting name for this group would’ve been “My Own Private Idaho.” One of the main characters in the Gus van Sandt classic from 1991, played by River Phoenix, suffers from narcolepsy regardless of whether he may be. Ever wonder what it feels like to suffer from that condition? Fire up Lapse and you’ll get a pretty good idea within the first three minutes.
The Bad Penny (beta) 
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