Bad Penny Recipe: Neil Hamburger Soup

After Neil Hamburger’s horrendous reception at the Reading Festival last week – tossed bottles, vicious chants, etc. – he probably wants someone to warm him up with a bowl of soup. Here’s a suggested comfort-food recipe for the perpetually embattled comedian.

Neil Hamburger Soup


• 1 1/2 lbs. ground beef, cooked and drained
• 3/4 c. orzo, shells or elbow pasta
• 1/2 c. celery, chopped
• 1/2 c. carrots, chopped
• 1/2 c. Russet or white potato, diced
• 1 15 oz. can lima beans, drained
• 1 15 oz. can peas, drained
• 3 15 oz. cans diced or stewed tomatoes, undrained
• 1 12 oz. can tomato paste
• 1 large white or brown onion, sliced
• 3 cloves garlic, minced
• 1/4 c. basil, chopped
• 1 T. oregano
• 1 T. fresh ground pepper
• 5 beef bouillon cubes
• 8 c. water
• salt (optional)
• parmesan cheese (optional)
• Italian or French bread (optional)


1. Bring water, orzo, tomatoes, tomato paste, onion and garlic to a boil.

2. Add beef, celery, carrots, potato, beans, peas and bouillon cubes. Bring to a boil again. Simmer for two hours.

3. Add basil, oregano and pepper (and salt, if desired). Simmer for one more hour.

4. Turn off heat. Allow 30 minutes for soup to cool before serving.

5. If desired, top with parmesan cheese and/or serve with bread.

Serves 8.

Other food-related posts:

• “Great Debate: TV Buddhas On Supermarket Lunches Vs. Eating Out
• “Death-Metal-Parody Proposals For ‘Weird Al’ Yankovic


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