Billionaire Bloat on a Boat: European Cruise With Sax Player Dave Koz Costs Up to $17,698.60
Feast your eyes on that lovely smile. Those pearly whites. The jacket made out material that could probably fund health care coverage for 100 Americans. (That’s conjecture, but you get the drift.) Meet Dave Koz, the prolific jazz saxophonist who, since launching his career in 1990, has never won a Grammy. Don’t get him wrong, though: He’s a hard “worker,” in that he appears to have had a lot of cosmetic work done to his physical appearance.
Don’t knock The Bad Penny for pointing this out; The Kozman is proud of his accomplishments. In May 2020, he raved to no one in particular about his beauty in a textbook-oblivious Facebook post, saying, “Well, it’s been 3 years since I actually saw my full face. Today was the day to shave. 😊 Not sure if I’ll keep it this way, but man, my face feels like a baby’s bottom…SO good! What do you say, beard or no beard?!”
As someone who has never touched a baby’s bottom, or Dave Koz’s face, The Bad Penny can’t attest to the veracity of Koz’s claim. But we can say definitively that the shameless flaunting of disposable wealth by not only private equity vultures, demented tech bros, sociopathic fraudsters and even craven entertainers isn’t just a matter of cognitive dissonance – it’s what is largely responsible for tearing this country apart.
To his “credit,” one supposes, Dave Koz has a net worth of a mere $6 million. But rest assured that at least some if not the majority of those who attend the “Dave Koz and Friends at Sea Presents Somma: Jewels of the Adriatic” cruise will be billionaires dancing the night away à la Trump’s even more tone-deaf “Great Gatsby” Halloween party. Wait, can people dance to Dave Koz music? Let’s save that discussion for another time.
Once aboard, the cruise-goers won’t have a spare second to be bored. They’ll listen to waves gently lapping against the hull of the ship. They’ll witness their elite partners and new “friends” scoop up and eat tasteless gold flakes off their Kaju Katli desserts. They’ll smell the natural aromas of the Mediterranean Sea – assuming they didn’t lose their sense of smell for good after contracting COVID because they refused to wear a mask. America!
To clarify, customers aren’t required to pay $17,698.60 for the weeklong cruise. Au contraire! There are 13 suites – or should we say sweet!!! – that can help lower costs to such a reasonable level that used car salesmen would slit their own throats if they were to learn the truth about the pricing. Rather, to take advantage of the adventure, if that’s your idea of an adventure, the cheapest suite costs a mere $8,773.60.
So shake those nickels and dimes out of your piggyback, grandma – because you’re ready to embark on the trip of a lifetime!
The Bad Penny (beta) 
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