The Bad Penny (beta)

If you know anything about the media, or anything about your grandparents, it’s that CBS’s weekend morning shows are their programming du jour. They feature soft, comfortable, feel-good segments that reassure septuagenarians that the United States isn’t really crumbling before our (lying!) eyes. After all, what a pain in the tookas it’d be for that sweet, nice and clearly incapable-of-contributing-to-the-mess-we’re-all-in-now cohort to be deprived of all the tranquility they’ve stashed away for the end of their lives.

With all that in mind (and yeah, admittedly, it’s a lot), it was tantalizingly, worlds-colliding-ly bizarre to see Mike Patton – yeah, the Faith No More frontman whose infamous video juxtaposed him contorting like MC Hammer while an asphyxiating fish flopped and failed to its death – perform on CBS Saturday Morning to promote his new AVVT/PTTN project. This is the same Mike Patton who, as legend has it, gave himself an enema onstage at a San Francisco gig in 1991 and “shared” it with the crowd.” The same Mike Patton who supposedly drank his own urine at a different show two years later.

Look, we’re not here to judge. Many artists that The Bad Penny has covered – and either did or continues to support – have engaged in vile behavior that at least rivals Patton’s. We bring up Patton’s “epic”-ally bizarre performance on CBS Saturday Morning over the weekend because we’re worried for your grandparents. Yeah, the mainstreaming of Ozzy Osbourne’s most troubling behaviors probably led to this. But be forewarned: If Patton keeps appearing in front of retirees, we run the risk of him teaching them how to “make a meal” out of other people’s assholes.

You know, if you catch my drift.

This entry was posted on 12/10/2025 at 8:18 pm and is filed under Essays, Videos with tags AVVT/PTTN, CBS, Faith No More, Mike Patton. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.